January 2006
State House - a joint venture between North Korea and the European Union
.
Once
upon a time, long ago, before Developing Countries had been invented,
Britain
used to send its bravest and best ‘out’ to
places that were a pinkish colour on the map but which most people (in
Britain) had never heard of, in order to spread expertise, enlightenment
and universal happiness. And to drink a congratulatory gin and tonic
or two each evening to celebrate
the end of a solid day’s enlightenment spreading.
One did not, in those days, have to develop anything, or alleviate any
poverty, or even interpret any acronyms. One did, however, have some
obligation to train up a few ‘locals’ to help you run their
country for them in a manner fit and proper for a red bit on the map.
One might, for example, train a few science teachers, here or there,
to teach science as it is taught in the motherland. For this one
would be paid a local salary
and then HMG would pay a top-up (tax free in recognition of the onerous
nature of the task), pension, and in the fullness of time, school fees.
And not forgetting a 500 pound loan to help one buy a car (of sound British
manufacture, like a Ford). And, of course, a flight back to the motherland
every two years.
But it didn’t work. We were creating ‘dependency’; we were guarding our jobs and keeping ‘locals’ out of them. And we were enjoying the gin too much.
So
early one morning we were all projectised. This meant that we had to
stop training locals and start develop capacity instead. We were given
targets
that specified the quantity and quality of capacity that we had to
develop annually. And there was an agreement with the ‘host institution’ that
described their role in the exercise; this, it was said, would ‘create
ownership’. So we developed capacity and we created ownership,
and if there was time left over at the end of the day, we would train
a few people.
Then we would drink a congratulatory gin and tonic or two each evening
to celebrate the end of solid day’s capacity development.
So
early one morning we were all turned into ‘foreign experts’.
We would be hired by the government to advise them on how to do the
work that we used to do when we were ‘sent out’ or when
we had been projectised. And the money would be poured into Ministry
coffers to pay us and also to pay for what we advised them to do. And
if we stuck around and advised long and hard enough we would get a
car
(preferably
of European origin). We invented targets, constructed logframes, developed
acronyms and defined indicators. And we were so busy that there was
never any time left over to train a few people.
Then we would drink a congratulatory gin and tonic or two each evening to
celebrate the end of solid day’s advising.
But it didn’t work. The money (now renamed ‘basket’ funding and provided by the EU) went in at the top and seeped through the system and eventually dribbled out at the bottom. Our advice stretched the country’s wastepaper baskets to breaking point (hence ‘basket funding’). And we were still enjoying the gin too much.
Then along came Kim Jong Il, the Dear Leader, with his bucket. Which he placed carefully underneath the basket to catch the fungible euros dribbling out at the bottom. For this he offered to build The New State House, on the top of a hill which he would first demolish. It was to be a giant neo-Stalinist monolith, dominated by a fearsome bronze eagle of huge proportions atop an ever-so-solid pillar, an everlasting tribute to the Solidarity Of The Oppressed Peoples Of The World. And around and about he would put plastic replicas of the animals of the jungle to help the occupants feel they were still in Africa. It was to be built by teams of dear builders from North Korea who would tire endlessly day and night. And there was to be no capacity building, indicators, logframes, targets or acronyms to impede progress.
And they never dreamed of stopping for a gin and tonic or two at the end of a solid days building
So now at last, it was all beginning to work. We are left to fend for ourselves as best we can. The country has a Big Bronze Eagle. The EU does not have to worry any more about unspent funds. Nobody is troubled any more about capacity, logframes, targets, programmes or acronyms and the Dear Leader has some euros in his bucket.
And we can still enjoy a gin or two at the end of a solid day’s fending.
But then along came the World Bank............
April 2008